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He said with an authoritative urgency in his voice, "You've got to listen to me! You cannot just stop taking your painkillers. You will experience a huge crash! Right now you feel great and ready to get back to being yourself, but if you stop taking your pain medication cold turkey, it will knock you down, fast. I know what I'm talking about, so I need you to listen to me! I don't want to see you go through what I did!"
"You've got to listen to me! You cannot just stop taking your painkillers. You will experience a huge crash!" That was the voice of warning from my dad after all three of my surgeries. The first two were C-sections with my sons, happy occasions despite the two recoveries. The third surgery was a little more sobering with an appendiceal cancer diagnosis. That surgery lasted approximately seven hours followed by a ninety minute hot chemo wash and two week stay at Emory. I was told to expect a three to six month recovery time. As I started to feel better, my father again stressed how I needed to be very careful in how I came off my pain medications. He was right, I felt like Superman on the medication, but without it I felt Kryptonite weights wrapped around my body. "Right now you feel great and ready to get back to being yourself, but if you stop taking your pain medication cold turkey, it will knock you down, fast." To be transparent, I had an extra incentive to get off the pain pills ASAP, because, well, (okay, this is the part where I sound like my maternal grandmother who would openly discuss bowel issues without hesitation). Anyway, pardon the honesty, but I needed to have a bowel movement and opioid painkillers cause constipation, which creates a pain that painkillers not only can't stop, but make worse. In weighing the scales of what was more painful, I decided to get off the pain pills early. Looking back that intestinal pain was a blessing in disguise because it gave me great motivation in getting off of the painkillers. Thankfully, I had a coach in my father, who knew the ugly side of opiates and had my best interest at heart. Below is a message that I pray gives hope to those already struggling, and a useful exit strategy for those facing an upcoming surgical procedure followed by an opioid prescription.
"I know what I'm talking about, so I need you to listen to me! I don't want to see you go through what I did!"
My father's advice . . .
* Get a calendar and talk with your doctor and a close family member or friend. * Decide on a time to wean yourself off of the prescribed pain medications. * Ask your doctor about cutting pain meds into fourths, and go from one pain pill to three fourths. * When you feel leveled out (may take several days to a week) cut dosage to one half and try for several days until you feel you can go to one fourth of a pill for several days. * Once you feel stable, then you can stop taking the prescription. * Give yourself another two weeks to realize that you may still feel down, with low energy. * Circle the day that ends that two week period and see how close to "normal" you feel. If still struggling, notify your doctor and share with a friend, so they know to check in on your progress. One thing to remember is that millions of people pay money to put stress on their muscles in order to get stronger physically. Stop and think about that for a minute. When we go through extreme challenges, something inside of us spiritually has the opportunity to grow stronger and produce deeper roots, so never give up, even when it seems too much. I also want to personally share that the most painful experiences of my life have caused me to cry out to God for help. Looking back I can see where He met me in some very dark, scary, painful places and delivered me. He also gave me gifts out of those painful places. Most importantly, Jesus Himself identifies with horrific pain and sorrow. He willingly went to the cross on our behalf to save us. Isaiah 53:5 New King James Version (NKJV) But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.
If you are curious to know more about Jesus, click here.
I want to thank my earthly dad for his hard earned advice, and for his pointing me in the direction of our heavenly DAD! With love and prayers for those dealing with pain, Christina Stay humble & BOLD! "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105 To check out my testimony click here To like my facebook page click here Find me on twitter @humble_bold On Pinterest at humble&BOLD by Christina
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Days before my mother passed in 1989, after a battle with breast cancer, she told her only brother's wife that a train was coming and she was going to be on it. Her eyes were on her Savior, Jesus. I closely observed how she placed all her hope, trust, joy, peace and faith in Him for what laid ahead. She placed all her hope, trust, joy, peace and faith in Him for what laid ahead. Her brother struggled over the last decade with a rare diagnosis and passed away just two weeks ago. As we laid my uncle to rest, a train made itself known in the background. It was a comforting sight for me, because I remembered what she told my aunt about a train coming. These close siblings did not grow up in church, but longed to be apart of a close knit community of Christians. Later, as young married adults they found and joined in with different denominations of believers and enjoyed the sweet fellowships that comes along with a church family. I listened and took to heart what was communicated to me during several honest conversations with them about their faith, and what they felt God was revealing to them before they passed. We attended a Church of The Highlands' service the day after my uncle's funeral, and this verse was listed in the message. So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (ESV)  When we returned home after the burial of my uncle it seemed bad news kept pouring in: our youngest had a severe reaction to a food intolerance that involved days of washing bedding and carpets, I found out a fellow Christian blogger died in a house fire along with her husband and two young children. There was the attack in the U.K. and then I learned of the unexpected death of a friend's mother. If it wasn't for the hope found in a loving God, l don't know how living in this world would be bearable during tragic times. Jesus truly is the light and hope of the world! He also made a pretty bold claim, He said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6 (ESV) “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6 (ESV) If you do not have a personal relationship with Him, please ask me how to know Him. If you are not sure where your spirit is headed after your body eventually gives out, don't ignore that tugging at your heart. That tugging is placed there to help you. With love,
Christina Stay humble & be BOLD! "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105 (ASV) To check out my testimony click here To like my facebook page click here Find me on twitter @humble_bold On Pinterest at humble&BOLD by Christina Contact me at [email protected] I admit it! I'm more of a Martha personality who finds myself being a Mary wanna be in regards to spending time with Jesus. It's so easy to fall into the trap of being fully occupied and missing out on the greatest opportunity to mankind. Now at this time of year, the stress of cleaning, decorating, shopping, family photos, cooking, card giving, present wrapping can have us in a whirlwind of distraction. Jesus said, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion which will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42 (KJV) Jesus knew spending time with the Father was the most important decision we could make and that is exactly what He did. While I've made a conscious effort to make listening to God a priority, I still find it a struggle to tune everything else out of my mind during my morning time. Spending quality time with my family and friends has been a real challenge as well. "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion which will not be taken away from her." Luke 10: 41-42 King James Version (KJV) Just recently, I attempted to watch my son's Pre K Thanksgiving program, without holding up my phone's camera screen between us, because I thought it would be nice to focus on him in the moment (ok, to be completely forthcoming, I only decided this minutes before he sang because the storage in my camera was full). However, the special moment lasted only seconds as his teacher looked at me and said aloud, "Come on, mom, aren't you going to record this?" during his first song. I couldn't exactly yell across the room and explain what I was trying to do, so I watched my son but was still distracted by how I must have looked like a terrible parent. I don't hold this against her or myself, but it made me aware of how hard it is to just sit still and really focus on God and the people in our lives without distractions and stress.  Aware of how hard it is to just sit still and really focus on God and the people in our lives without distractions and stress. Some Thanksgiving gatherings are stressful for many reasons: the preparations, family discord, food allergies, unrealistic expectations, a recent death in the family, and the list continues. One thing that has really hit home with me, after my cancer surgery, is that this life is short and the people we share Thanksgiving with will not always be around and neither will we. Our time here is limited. Our time here is limited. Looking at these pictures remind me of the song, Empty Chairs at Empty Tables from Les Miserables. I have lots of photos of family gathered around the table from years ago, but many of those loved ones are no longer coming to the table with us. Their laughter, voices and hugs are greatly missed. But there is One who holds eternity in His hands and has a place for those who put their trust in Him. Those who spend time with Him, and have a relationship with Him.  So how do we close the door on stress and distractions this Thanksgiving? Get alone with Jesus and focus on Who He is and what He has done. Come to Him with thanksgiving and praise and make time with Him a priority.  Get alone with Jesus and focus on Who He is and what He has done. Come to Him with thanksgiving and praise and make time with Him a priority.
Intentionally and intimately draw near to Him today and everyday. Happy Thanksgiving! With Love, Christina Stay humble & BOLD! "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105 (KJV) To check out my testimony click here To like my facebook page click here Find me on twitter @humble_bold On Pinterest at humble&BOLD by Christina  There are battles, wars and terrible news all around us, so how do we cope? The answer is simple, but we often find ourselves spending our time worrying, letting the anxiety rule over our thoughts and allowing the stress to manifest itself in our physical bodies. Can you relate? I know I can. So how do we fight back?
Corrie Ten Boom once asked, "Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?" What a great question! Intentional and consistent contact with our Creator is key to our survival and successful navigation through this flawed world. That doesn't mean we won't have hardships or trials. It means He will direct our paths and we don't have to go it alone. In fact, we were never meant to go it alone. So go humbly before the Lord with a thankful heart and listen to Him and do it often. Prayer, It is your best weapon! If your not sure who to pray to, click here! Christina To find my facebook page, click on humble & bold. Stay humble & be BOLD! In life, I started with only an inkling of my parents' love and understanding of what they put up with until that glorious day when my husband and I received the title of mother and father. Along the many wonderful, joyous times filled with laughter, big smiles, hugs and kisses, there are the extremely challenging times filled with ear shattering temper tantrums, nerve grinding whinny complaints and boundary pushing that causes one's eye to twitch. Our first son, pictured below, was the type of child who was eager to please. His kindergarten teacher once joked, "Um, if you're thinking about having another don't, cause this one is your easy child." We laughed but weren't too concerned, as we weren't sure if we would even have another child. I experienced postpartum weeks after the birth of this son and really struggled with horrible thoughts. Truthfully, I was afraid to have another child, not wanting to go through that experience again. The one verse that really helped me during that dark time was 2 Timothy 1:7 which says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." I would say that verse over and over again, out loud, when I would have an attack on my mind. That verse literally saved us.   Eight years after our first son was born, we were blessed with another son, who as you can see in the picture below is just full of energy and brings different challenges. When he was two, we experienced a home invasion (thankfully, we weren't home) then he fell while crawling over his crib and broke his right arm. My husband lost his job and our oldest fractured the growth plate in his heel at a friend's birthday laser tag party. After that, I was taken to the emergency room and months later had an eight and a half hour cancer surgery. It was a whirlwind of a time and both our boys had a hard time understanding what was happening. God really showed up for our family in amazing ways. He led my husband to a new and better job with insurance that came on the day I had to go to the emergency room. I experienced God's provision and love throughout my two week hospital stay and the months and years to follow. Even though I learned to slow down and not hold on to anxious thoughts, I still struggled from time to time with staying cool as you can see from my face in the pictures below.  Love the family pictures that show the reality of what was really happening behind the scenes. At this particular moment I'm getting really frustrated while my husband is trying to hide his laughter.  These pictures really capture the range of emotions while parenting. I laugh as I recognize my mother's frustrated facial expressions now on my own face. I now have a new appreciation of all she put up with from me and how she was able to learn patience with me and herself as she made her way through maternal waters.  At last, the frustration fades and the joys of parenting return and I learn to, as my friend, Julia (mother of five) says, "embrace the chaos!"  I am reminded through parenting of God's great love and patience. I understand His heart now more than ever before after knowing what it's like to love someone created in your own image who warms your heart but whom also talks back and doesn't always listen to sound advice.  So may all you moms out there stay focused on Him, keep pointing your children towards Him and stay cool! Check out www.4realmoms.com for more encouragement! Christina
To find my facebook page, click on humble & bold. Stay humble & be BOLD! Felt like a dinosaur, while taking my son to see Jurassic World and explaining I saw the original, Jurassic Park, as an adult over twenty years ago. Though I went into the theater feeling like I already knew the basic script . . . people brought to a remote island to witness the latest DNA research, ohs and ahs, then someone speaks up and says aloud, "this might not be a good idea!" with a dramatic close up, then dinosaurs start chasing, secondary actors are eaten, BURP, then a spectacular ending before the lawsuits start flying AND all this with romance thrown in . . . it fully delivered with new elements of surprise and a cast that worked well together.  During the movie, I found some concepts very intriguing. These are just some of the thoughts and questions that ran through my mind.
1) The age of the earth was stated at 65 and then 75 million, so which exactly is it? I always thought an answer of 63.5 (not that I agree) would at the very least seem more scientific. 2) In the beginning, which came first, the dinosaur or the egg? 3) With all the work that goes into getting an egg to hatch (teams of scientists, perfectly stabilized conditions, most of the DNA code already provided) is it really logical to think that all the male and female animal kinds of the earth just all appeared via evolution and were able to procreate successfully all these years without an intelligent designer? 4) Not really a spoiler, but look away if you must. In the movie, people in leadership roles have to make moral decisions (which is always awkward when you put all your dinosaur eggs in the basket of evolution) to destroy the out of control, dangerous members of their creation. This is done to protect other members that were created, secondary to protecting their own species, which evolved, again awkward. So my thought on this is why do some people question God's right to do with His creation as He sees fit? 5) In the movie there is dinosaur trainer, this would indicate that the audience understands, at least on a subconscious level, that man was given dominion over the animals. 6) Who and what benefits when mass groups of people don't know that they were created and where does the moral code originate? 7) I think I will take a break. Just some Jurassic food for thought. Christina To find my facebook page, click on humble & bold. "Hey, how are you?" my childhood friend, Laura, cautiously asked. She had called from our hometown of Birmingham to check in on my progress as I was recovering from a an eight and a half hour cancer surgery at Emory University Hospital in Atlanta, Georgia. It's called The Sugarbaker Procedure, which involved the full removal of my spleen, appendix, uterus, cervix, both ovaries/tubes, omentum, ileum, right colon, part of small intestine and pancreas and here's the part where I feel like I should start singing AND . . . . a par . . tridge in a pear . . tree! It ended with a grand finale of a hot chemo wash in my abdominal cavity, and I spent two weeks on the ninth floor of Emory Hospital physically recovering, while undergoing a spiritual and a mental makeover as well. "There was an interesting article in The Birmingham News about the type of surgery you just had, but don't read it!" It was so good to hear her voice and then she, like a good friend, said something that made me laugh out loud, which came with a jolt of pain like a dog shock collar (I'm guessing), but made me smile big anyways. She said. "There was an interesting article in The Birmingham News about the type of surgery you just had, but don't read it!" This instantly gave me a flashback of when she told me how great the movie Beaches was, with a strict warning not to see it. This instruction was to protect me from having an emotional breakdown after my mother's passing of breast cancer in 1989. (Okay, for you younger folks, Beaches was a movie that came out in the year 1988 with Bette Milder, Barbara Hershey and a young child actress, Mayim Bialik, nowadays recognized from The Big Bang Theory.) Anyhoo, she was right, but did I listen? Noooo! I thought to myself, I can handle it. Sweet movie, but didn't see the rest of it because my eyes were almost swollen shut from crying so hard. The kind of crying where my head hurt along with my neck and chest. I later confessed to her, "You were right, I should have listened." "You were right, I should have listened." Several friends and family members also told us the same the thing about the article. "Great article, really gives a lot of detail and explanation, very interesting, BUT don't read it! Here, we saved you a copy." Ah, laughter is indeed good medicine! So, from time to time I would glance at the article below, start to read a paragraph, wince, look away and think, Okay, I not ready. I carefully placed it back in the drawer and walked away.  Then one day, around six months post op, I pulled a Beaches. I thought, I can handle it. Great article, really gave a lot of detail and explanation and was very interesting, but could hardly swallow as I got close to the end, especially the part where it mentions the survival rates being just five years (for only 50% of patients) after having the Sugarbaker Procedure, which was up from a survival rate of only one year with conventional therapies. Took me less than sixty seconds to call my brother, who had just graduated from medical school, to ask what the doctors had told him and my family about my chances. He was very reassuring and so was my husband and father, who had also given their accounts of what my doctors had communicated with them. They thought my chances were good, they thought, they hoped. Then I remembered! I remembered all that God had done. I remembered the prayers prayed over me. I remembered how excited I was when I first walked into my surgeon's office and saw this writing on the wall down at The Winship Cancer Center at Emory. Then I remembered! I remembered all that God had done.  I remembered how several days after my surgery, I called out to God in severe pain and desperation in middle of the night. I told Him how I needed to feel His presence and know that He was with me. Without pushing the call button, a nurse came in my room and asked if there was anything she could do for me. Crying, I said, "Could you pray over me?" It was all I could think to say. She placed her right hand gently on my shoulder and lifted her other hand up in the air and prayed with such a sincere, heartfelt voice to the Lord on my behalf. She prayed earnestly with boldness, love and authority. Tears ran down my face as I knew God was confirming that He had heard my call. She prayed earnestly with boldness, love and authority! As the nursing shift was changing out for the morning. Rena, a Christian nurse from India, asked me how my morning was. (We had talked before when she helped me stand for the first time with Scott. She told us that when she was growing up in India, there was a Missionary couple who had come to share the gospel with several families in the area. She said her family was one of the blessed families and talked of how those Missionaries gave up a lot to minister to them and others in their area.) I told her about how I felt scared and was hurting and called out to God. Then I told her about the night shift nurse that came in and prayed over me at my request. Rena had the biggest smile on her face and laughingly said that God definitely heard my prayer. She said Kemi, the night shift nurse, was an anointed minister and had written a book on prayer. I smiled from ear to ear just hearing that. That morning a young student nurse walked into my room and introduced herself. (I wish I could remember her name) She said that she was assigned to me and could help me with whatever I needed. That turned out to be a huge blessing because the physical therapist was unable to come work with me on walking that day. This sweet student walked with me and we had some great conversations throughout the day. Her mother was at MD Anderson as a cancer patient and as soon as her nursing exams were over, she planned to be with her mom. I told her what happened that morning with Kemi. She responded, "You know, I prayed this morning that God would put me with the right patient and He has. I know that God has put us together today to encourage each other!" Indeed He had. I told my husband and family about Kemi. She never bragged or told me about her book, but I wanted a copy and so did several of my family members. The best thing about her book, was it just kept pointing my focus back to God and His Word. The book is titled Molding Your World Through Prayers by Kemi Oluwakoya. I kept her book close to my bedside and would read it especially when I felt challenged, which was quite a lot.  As I learned to walk the hallways with drain tubes and bags hooked to a walker and pushing an iv pole, I thought about Christ carrying the cross and that He willing went through so much suffering for all of us. I became overwhelmed with what a loving God we serve. I didn't want to walk the hallways, every step was painful and my throat would dry up to the point I couldn't swallow. I had to go eight days with no food (which was fine because food in no way appealed to me) or water, which was the hardest mentally and physically. Yet I had the support of family, friends and nurses, doctors and techs. No one was mocking me as I walked, cheering on my execution or spitting at me. It was on my mind a lot that God relates to our sufferings way more than we can imagine or think. God relates to our sufferings more than we can imagine or think. There were many more God stories that happened during my recovery and in the past two years. As I have gotten back into the everyday grind, I realize the importance of what one decides to focus on in life. When Peter stepped out of the boat, he looked at his surroundings and started to sink, but when he got his focus back on Jesus, he was fine. So Laura, you were right! There are things I don't need to watch or read. Most importantly, there is someone Whom I need to look to and keep my eyes on at all times and His name is Jesus. "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Philippians 4:4-8 As I got into His word today on the two year anniversary of my surgery, I noticed many wonderful things. One thing in particular was the word humble. The words humble and bold had been on my mind ever since my surgery and I thought it pretty cool that the reading for today's date, April 16th, of The One Year Bible had scripture with the words, humbled and humble on the same page as the date of my surgery. God is so awesome!  Psalms 121:2-8
My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore. So again, Laura, you were right! There are things I don't need to watch or read. Most importantly, there is someone Whom I need to look to and keep my eyes on at all times. and His name is Jesus. With love, Christina Stay humble & BOLD! "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105 To check out my testimony click here Let's get connected! Instagram @humbleandbold Facebook Humble & Bold Twitter Christina @humble_bold Pinterest humble&BOLD by Christina Youtube Humble & Bold The sixties had just come on the scene, there was the Cuban Missile Crisis and the future was uncertain. Ah, but young love was not! It seemed to be the most certain, undeniable fact in these two teenagers' lives. Dottie and Rex were high school sweethearts, who at eighteen years of age, eloped on the 14th of December in 1963 while on a long outing. They survived a near fatal car accident when his vehicle slid out of control on an icy bridge while coming back home. After returning, they didn't tell anyone for over a year, until they broke the news on New Year's Day in 1965 to their family about their secret marriage. I'm sure when they took their vows, they thought, of course, yes, in sickness and in health, but that must have seemed like an eternity away from their young minds' perspective.  Eight years later, I was born, and my little brother came along thirteen years after me. Their marriage had been good but had entered into some hard and difficult times with their parents' serious health problems, stress at work, sending their oldest off to college, having a five-year-old at home and some major depression issues that were a side effect from taking certain prescribed medications for lowering cholesterol. All of this put a tremendous strain on their marriage. In June of 1988, there was a diagnosis of breast cancer made just six months before their 25th wedding anniversary. I tried really hard to surprise them that special day, with a cake I had made after they came back from their celebratory date night. It was a surprise all right, but in a disappointing way. I used granulated sugar, instead of confection sugar for the icing, so it was grainy, instead of smooth. My mother was so kind and patient as she showed me how to fix it. I was in tears, because we knew her cancer had been extremely aggressive, with her undergoing two mastectomies just months apart, and I wanted that night to be PERFECT for them. (Ok, I can hardly read the screen now. It has been almost 27 years since that night, and this is the first time I am seeing her again so clearly in the kitchen.) In February of 1989, they headed to Duke University for five specialized Chemotherapy treatments to see if she would be a candidate for a bone marrow transplant. The procedure was considered experimental at the time and Blue Cross Blue Shield stated they would not be able to cover it for that reason. However, our church, Briarwood Presbyterian, had rallied around them and raised money to help.   They were there for almost a week and celebrated Valentine's Day in a hospital room. They received an out pouring of love from their church, family and friends and the hospital staff was wonderful to them!  Their smiles, in the picture below, are amazing to me, especially now as I understand more fully the enormous amount of physical and financial pressure they were under at the time. If she was a likely candidate, the bone marrow transplant would cost somewhere around $100,000.00 out of pocket. After this visit, she would go home and deal with the side effects. My dad had a sweet cousin, Teddy Jean, who had died of breast cancer years earlier. Her widower, Joe Griffin, called my father and said he would pay for the full cost of the bone marrow transplant! My parents were tremendously touched by Joe's concern and generosity. Joe also ended up losing his second wife to cancer and then passed away from cancer himself. His willingness to help his late wife's cousin's wife is a huge testament to the kind of man he was. Sadly, it was determined that the first five of those chemo treatments didn't work, they would be going back in March for five more attempts.  The picture below is one of my favorites. Despite the two radiation and ten chemotherapy treatments that left her bald and worn out and the fact that the doctors couldn't find an effective round of chemo that would help them move forward with the transplant, my mother had a supernatural peace that carried her through to June 9th, when she went home to be with her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ at just 44 years of age. She died almost exactly one year to the day after she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She once called out to me from the bed that hospice had brought to our home and pleaded with me not to let the small stuff stress me out. She must have overheard me say something in a tone of voice that alerted her, and she told me that I sounded like her before she got sick. I remember that conversation and thought, yes, I will try not to let myself get caught up in frivolous worries, but years later, as a mom myself, I realized it wasn't that easy.  Nobody wants to get sick or see a loved one go through a terrible illness. However, LOVE GROWS stronger and deeper through sickness. I saw it with my parents, who struggled in their marriage, just like everyone else struggles. A couple of months before she died, I walked in on a very tender moment between them as they sat on her hospital bed, I thought about how difficult the years had been for them earlier and now, it was though they were . . . going to write falling in love for the first time, but it was much more meaningful than that . . . loving each other more, faults and all, than they ever had before, since meeting. They were sitting on the side of her bed, facing the warm sunlight shining so sweetly through the window, surrounding them in a loving embrace. With their backs to me and the door. They were unaware that I had walked in her room. I had, in fact, frozen when I came upon this sacred, Holy sight. Matrimony, after all, is referred to as Holy. For she was bald and both of her breasts where long gone, but they kissed and it was the most tender and memorable, most romantic, passionate kiss I have ever witnessed. All the hurts, disappointments and troubles they had accumulated over the years seemed to melt and fade away in that one moment. A moment that I was privileged enough to witness as their child. Normally, the sight of seeing one's parents kiss, would bring on a wild case of the dry heaves, but this beautiful sight rendered me silent, still and taught me that love was so much deeper and meaningful than I had ever imagined. In fact, God has continued to show me that over and over again through the years. But in that specific moment, I knew that was the kind of love I wanted to have and be able to give someone else. Jump ahead to January of 1999, after almost ten years since she passed away, I found myself walking down the same aisle that her casket went down. We were married by the same Pastor Wilson who used to visit my mother and encourage her while she was sick and led her funeral service at Briarwood. Scott and I owe a lot to Pastor Wilson, he really took time with us to prepare us for marriage and told us how responsible he felt before God to make sure we fully grasped the commitment we were about to make before a Holy God.  So I knew, that with our marriage, we would have our own set of trials. Now, when I say I "knew" what I really meant was I had NO IDEA, what marriage would have in store for us. How can anyone, really? Even with all that I had seen, I still was blinded by youthful bliss. Sometimes what you learn by seeing doesn't fully sink in until you experience it first hand. However, witnessing THAT KISS was the initial start of a very important lesson. Years into our marriage, the honeymoon phase was certainly coming to an end. We had times of frustration with each other and doubt. It was especially hard when I experienced postpartum depression after our first son was born. We still had our share of good times, but I was feeling and sounding more "stressed out" as the years went by, which was the very trap my mother pleaded and warned me about during her last days. Starting in September of 2012, we had our house broken into, our youngest broke his arm and our oldest fractured his heel, Scott lost his job and I had major cancer surgery in April of 2013. It was a daunting time, but funny how one's perspective changes from the view of a hospital room. While I was recovering from a physical surgery, God was performing a type of spiritual surgery on my heart. Ironic that I was 44 at the time? It seems strange. I felt so close to my mother even though I hadn't seen her in 24 years. All that she was trying to share with me on her death bed all came back and I GOT IT this time! Turns out, humility and forgiveness go a long, long way! Just trying not to be stressed out didn't really work for me very well. I had to repent of some things, and I spent a lot of time telling Scott how sorry I was for letting small stuff get to me and how my actions had negatively affected our relationship. He was gracious to me and just like the husband is a type and shadow of Christ, he walked with me, changed my bandages and even volunteered himself in other many selfless ways to help the process of my healing. I don't deserve his love and I definitely don't deserve the love of Christ, but they are precious GIFTS to me that I will forever treasure! I'm going to praise and thank God daily! Instead of criticizing, I'm going to appreciate my husband and let him know it daily. I'm still a work in progress, but hey, there's progress going on and I am not the same. The lesson learned from my parent's most passionate kiss is being worked out on a daily basis.  Fall of 2013, Scott and I standing in front of Emory University Hospital, celebrating what God had brought us through and the lessons learned. My youngest now wants to play Legos, so I'm off to focus on him and tell him how much he means to me. Life is short and precious, don't let stupid stuff get in the way.
I appreciate you taking the time to read this and I hope it blesses you! With love, Christina Stay humble & BOLD! "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105 To check out my testimony click here To like my facebook page click here Find me on twitter @humble_bold On Pinterest at humble&BOLD by Christina |
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