By the time I reached the age of 19, I didn’t want to have anything to do with God. By the age of 28, I assumed Jesus was just a good teacher from history. Then I met my wife, Tina, who grew up in the Christian faith. We hit it off very quickly and got engaged within six months. As the weeks went by, we started making wedding plans. Then discussions of Jesus, being the Son of God and the only way to heaven, were being initiated by Tina. I was annoyed and aggravated by the discussions, and eventually, Tina obeyed the voice of God telling her not to marry me if I didn’t believe in Jesus. So she broke off our engagement. I was hurt but decided to move on. That’s when God came in and worked on me with strange events and a terrifying dream about being completely separated from the presence of God. A few days after having this dream, I said a simple prayer like this, “God, if Jesus is your son, I ask that you reveal that to me." After the prayer, I did feel that something was different. I called Tina and told her about the prayer and within a few days and some discussions, she lead me through a prayer of repentance, and I became a believer in Jesus, the Son of God who died for the sins of mankind and gives eternal life to all who believe in Him.  

We called the wedding back on and got married.

In the first few years of our marriage we were very casual about our church involvement. Then we had our first son and decided to get more involved at church. We started putting our faith into action by going to church, spending time with other believers, serving at church and tithing our money. On June 15th, 2003, I followed the instructions of the Bible and made my public profession of faith and got baptized. At this point God gave me a passion to follow Him, study His words and obey Him. Looking back on the events, from becoming a believer to getting involved at church to completely committing my life to following Jesus, I see the evidence of my spirit becoming alive to the things of God. My mind and thoughts are now in line with Him. Since I began reading the Bible daily, God has continually directed the steps of my life. He shows me how to treat my wife, Tina, and our two sons and has given me a heart to reach out and share the goodness of God with others.  

There is nothing in this world that compares to knowing God and walking with Him. God’s desire is for you to know Him and be in right standing with Him. All it takes is a conscious decision to seek Him with a humble and repentant heart.

To be in right standing with God, admit you have sinned against Him and ask to be forgiven. Commit your life to following Jesus. Be devoted to reading the Bible and believe God’s words above all else. Turn away from sin and turn to Jesus. Believe that God sent His son Jesus to die as a sacrifice for your sins and raised Him from the dead so that whoever believes in Him, follows Him and confesses Him will have eternal life with God and escape the torment and agony of a place prepared for those who have rejected Him.  

Hold fast the pattern of sound words which you have heard from me, in faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. 2 Timothy 1:13 (NKJV)

I would like to thank my husband, Scott, for sharing his personal testimony. He is passionate about sharing the love of God with others, and also has a strong desire to help equip other believers in sharing the good news. To find out more, you can check out his ministry at www.shofaroutreach.org.

Thanks for stopping by and happy out!

With love,

Christina

Stay humble & BOLD!

​"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."  Psalm 119:105

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A precious friend of mine is sharing her walk with us here at humble & Bold. She impresses me with her love for others, and bravery in opening up her life to bring awareness, help and hope to those in need. She wrote the following letter to me in a language not her first. Because of the delicate nature and details of her story, she is going by the cover name of Grace. 

Grace writes.

I grew up with my grandparents. I never understood why I lived with my grandparents, even though my parents lived across from them. In my young age, every time I saw my mom doing laundry by hands, there's something inside of me that wanted to help her, but my grandfather wouldn't allow me. I was the only granddaughter and their first grandchild.

Then around 1980, my dad decided to work in Saudi Arabia to support our family. During that time, my parents moved to the next town. It wasn't far from my grandparents house. When I turned 14 years of age, I decided to move in with my mom so that I could be with her and my two younger brothers.

My mom decided to ask her youngest brother to live with us for our protection. During that time, my mom and my brothers were usually out somewhere with their friends, so it was usually just me and my uncle. I was very close to him, since him and my mom had a very close relationship. Little did I know that the person supposed to protect us was the one I need protection from. One day he asked me if I would like to get a massage. With my innocent mind, I said yes. And next thing I know, he was touching parts of my body that he was not supposed to touch. I was young and scared and didn't know what to do. It happened repeatedly. Now I understand that victims were the ones who were protecting their abusers. I never said anything to anyone because I was afraid that no one would believe me, and it would create problems in our family. 

"I was young and scared and didn't know what to do."

I decided to date someone in my second year of high school. I guess there was a part of me looking for love. But even though I was dating someone, that didn't stop my uncle from what he was doing to me. In fact, he disapproved that I had a boyfriend; he was against that.

Back then my mom usually allowed my brother's friends to stay with us for the night.  There were nights that I will woke up feeling someone's hands on my body. For a time, I didn't allow anyone else to do anything to me, but I continued to be quiet. Another two of my uncles had touched me in areas of my body that they had no right to touch. One of my friend's brother tried to kiss me and go on top of me while I was in their house; I fought and threaten that I will tell his sister what he was doing, so he stopped. At that time, there was something inside of me where I was mad at guys. I felt like every time they see girls, they just see us as sex objects. When I was in college, I saw the news about the women in Olongapo being sold by their parents to have sex with Americans. I remember being so mad at Americans and I made a comment that "I will never marry a foreigner".  

Fast forward, I got pregnant with my boyfriend. At that time, both if us were unemployed and having financial problems in supporting our son. I went to Hong Kong to work as a domestic helper. I never imagined and it never came across in my mind to look for another man. My heart totally belonged to the father of my son. In my heart, I only wanted to be with him. Someone shared something with me that hurt me so much. During this time, I hardly went to church; I grew up as a Catholic, but didn't really know who God was. I hardly prayed, and if I prayed, it was because I needed something from God. I treated God like genie in the bottle. I was 23 years old at that time, and didn't have a close relationship with my own family, I didn't share what was going on in my life with anyone. I was hurting so much that I felt like heaven and earth were crushing me. So much hurt that I lost respect for myself.  I lost hope. I felt like no one loved me, no one cared about me, so what the heck, I will just do whatever. I started going to clubs with my friends. Till one guy was courting me, and since I felt like I was free, I decided to sleep with him. And every time we go out partying, I would end up in a bed with a guy, as a one night stand. Instead of using drugs to numb the pain, having a one night stand, kind of filled the gap I had in my heart . . . temporarily.

"I was hurting so much that I felt like heaven and earth were crushing me."

One night, I was not in the mood to go out. But my friends told me we will dance for a little bit then we will go home before midnight. As soon as I walked in the club, a navy guy started walking towards me. It seemed like he was hypnotized. We started dancing and I ended up with him for the entire night. We met the second night and before he left, he gave me his address. (Note, I was not looking for a relationship at that time.) He asked for my address and said that he would send letters to me. He captured part of my heart that night. He asked me when I was with him, if he could make love with me; when I said no, he didn't ask again. 

For the first time in my life, I felt respected. I was surprised! I didn't know that there could be a man who would not take advantage of me. We started exchanging letters and phone calls. Eleven months later he proposed to me, and he came back to Hong Kong by himself. I've been happily married with him now for over 22 years.

Fast forward, we have two boys of our own. So many things have happened between 1994 to 2011. We moved to Georgia in 2006. It was not planned, Georgia was not on my list of where I would consider to live. But my thoughts are not God's thoughts, my ways are not His ways. In 2010, one of our friends invited us to go to Free Chapel. I turned her down several times. But it didn't stop her, she continuously kept inviting me and my family to go with her. December 2010 was the very first time we came to Free Chapel. It took us seven (number of completion) months to finally go to church every Sunday. After I got born again, that's when I saw God's hands were upon my life and my family's life. God was the one who orchestrated moving us here to Georgia. Isaiah 65:1 says, "I revealed Myself to those who did not ask for Me; I was found by those who did not seek Me." I was not looking for God when God found us. There was a hole in my life, but I didn't know what could fill that hole. I got born again and baptized on January 18, 2012. I started reading the Word of God.

"There was a hole in my life, but I didn't know what could fill that hole."

The year 2012 is when the change in our lives took place. After our family was born again, everything made sense looking back at what had happened in the past. And I strongly believe that what the enemy meant for evil, God meant it for good. God turned my ashes to beauty. I thank God that we are a brand new creation and that old things have passed away. I thank God that He didn't keep records of our wrong. I thank God that He had chosen us and pluck us out of the world. If  not for His mercy, His love and His grace, we would not be where we are. And I thank God that He is a Faithful God; faithful to finished what He started in my life, my spouse's life, my children's lives and all the generations to come until the coming back of His Son, Jesus Christ . . . to God be the glory!

To encourage someone who is facing hard times, never give up. God does not sleep. He knows our beginning and our end. He knows our name even before He formed us in our mother's womb. 

​
    Matthew 5:3‭-‬11 NKJV
 
  3 Blessed are the poor in spirit,
     For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
  4 Blessed are those who mourn,
     For they shall be comforted.
  5 Blessed are the meek,
     For they shall inherit the earth.
  6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
     For they shall be filled.
  7 Blessed are the merciful,
     For they shall obtain mercy.
  8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
     For they shall see God.
  9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
     For they shall be called sons of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake,
     For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.

​I would like to thank Grace for Sharing Her Walk here at humble & BOLD. And to you, the reader, thank you for visiting! 
I hope Grace's story has spoken to your heart!

Also, I want to invite you to church, especially if you have never been invited. You are welcome to visit Free Chapel at one of their four locations or attend online from anywhere in the world. 

FreeChapel.org

If interested in helping stop the sexual exploitation of children, please check out, Street Grace.org. The following is from their website.
 
Street Grace is an Atlanta-based nonprofit that works to bring together nonprofits, businesses, churches, and individuals with one purpose - ending domestic minor sex trafficking (DMST).

StreetGrace.org

MISSION To end the demand for domestic minor sex trafficking (DMST) in the U.S.
VISION To see a world where all children are free from sexual exploitation. 

​Thanks for stopping by,

Christina

Stay humble & BOLD!

​"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."  Psalm 119:105

To check out my testimony click here
To like my facebook page click here 
Find me on twitter @humble_bold ​
​On Pinterest at humble&BOLD by Christina ​

​It is an honor to share this dear woman's testimony on how God put a dream in her life to lead her to serve others in a land far away.

Tammy writes. When I was 12, I had a dream. Unfortunately, that dream must remain a secret because it could jeopardize our work where we live, BUT I can assure you, it was a dream that led to a life purpose which led to life decisions, that led to many life disappointments, and that finally has brought us to where we are today.

​When I was 12, I had a dream.

Even after having that dream where I was called into overseas ministry, I forgot the dream. For years, I never even remembered I had the dream, but when people would say how do you know you are supposed to be an overseas minister, I would tell them it was because I was called in 7th grade, but what I didn't say was that I can't remember how I was called.

Thank you Tammy for sharing your walk!

With Love,
Christina

Stay humble & be BOLD!

And a vision appeared to Paul in the night: a man of Macedonia was standing there, urging him and saying, “Come over to Macedonia and help us.” Acts 16:9 ESV

To check out my testimony click here
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​When I was asked to share my testimony, I thought where do I begin?  What testimony do I share?  Because life has its seasons, each season has its own individual testimonies.  However, one thing becomes clear as we examine where we are or where we have been, regardless of the place or time in which we find ourselves, God is there. 

​Veda Barrett, author of The Foolish Christian Woman.
​
This book takes a direct and frank look at the foolish behavior of women, and even worse the Christian woman. Whether you are already a wife, a soon to be wife, or just wishing and hoping to be someone’s wife someday you may be guilty of practicing some of these negative behaviors. We’ve all done foolish things. Actions that are often downright stupid! But good news ladies, stupid can be fixed. Proverbs 9:6 says, it like this, “Forsake foolishness and live. Go the way of understanding.”

With Love,
Christina

Stay humble & BOLD!

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.  Psalm 119:105 ESV
​
To check out my testimony click here
To like my facebook page click here 
Find me on twitter @humble_bold 
​Find me on Instagram humbleandbold

I wanted to die because of the things that I done to put Christ back on the Cross. I was in sin, adultery, and a drunk. I would party till early hours in the morning then go home then get up and go to church. I thought it was ok. I got involved with women and alcohol and one day I did not want it anymore. I had prayed and asked god to help me stop.

A few days later I was at a party and went home late and got a DUI. I woke up that night in jail, and I said,  "God if you can help me I won’t drink again."  When I hit rock bottom I knew that the only way up was through Christ. I asked the Lord to forgive me of my sins, and to come into my heart and be my Lord and Savior. I was not satisfied, because it seemed like the problems were still haunting me. I would visit my church at night because I felt lonely at times like no one cared.

I was in a relationship where I got used and filed bankruptcy because I thought since she got sick that I could help her, but it really turned out I got played. I wanted to take my life at that point and throw it all away. I was sitting down writing out my will, because I wanted to die; then I heard a voice say, "Come to me and I will make it better." I visited many churches looking for that voice but did not find it. I had to move since I lost everything do to this relationship. I rented a room from a family that helped me get through my situation, because they just got free from the same problem. This is how God works. He sends you to people who have been set free so they can help you.

After a few months with this new family and a new church, I found God. Then one day was listening to a song, and I quickly found out who was singing the song. I just started to worship and wanted a way out from where I was. My friend was reading a magazine, when the Holy Spirit told her to go and lay hands on me. I suddenly repeated what she was telling me to say, and the Power of God touched me, and I was in the floor crying and speaking in tongues for 3 and ½ hours. I was soaking wet and when I finally got off the floor and I proceeded to go to bed. 

After many days and months went by I can say that the Lord is a Merciful God and his Love endures forever. I started to read my bible and the scripture that was a light to me was Psalm 18:2 - The Lord is my Rock, Fortress, Deliver, Strong Tower, My God, strength in which I will trust. The Lord is my Buckler, and the horn of my Salvation, and High Tower.
I started claiming that daily until it became a revelation to me. Today I can say that my personal relationship with Jesus is better. There are some days though where I feel weak and not sure about things, and that’s when God will send someone to share his word with me or he comes and comforts me with his love.

You may struggle in life sometimes like we all do and we will,  but call on friends who you can trust to lift you up, pray for you and care about you.  

How you can have a personal relationship with God is:

1.       Ask Jesus to come into your heart and be your Lord and Savior.
2.       Repent of all of your sins, and forgive others.
3.       Ask the Lord to create in your life a new person.
4.       Go to Church and get involved.
5.       Hang around other believers who will encourage you.

God is a Merciful God and If you can just believe, then you can receive. To be guided in your life, ask the Holy Spirit to guide you into the direction that you need. In Mark 16:7, it shows that God is a God of second chances. John 3:16 sums it up for our life, and if we can just believe and trust in the Lord, we will be saved.

​Thank you Henry for sharing your walk!

With Love,
Christina

Stay humble & be BOLD!

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."  Psalm 119:105

To check out my testimony click here
To like my facebook page click here 
Find me on twitter @humble_bold 
​Find me on Instagram humbleandbold

​As a child, church on Sunday was required and if we gave mom any trouble, we knew we were in for a very bad Sunday afternoon.  Dad worked on Sundays and even if he was home, he still did not attend church.  After the clock hit 12:15 p.m. on Sunday afternoon, we would head home and that was the last time we would hear about or talk about God until the next Sunday morning at 10 a.m. when we were back at church.

Although I learned several sweet songs like Jesus Loves Me and The B-I-B-L-E, I never heard that I had a heart condition called sin and was in need of a Savior.  Life on the outside, for those looking in, was the ideal white picket fence, dog, swimming pool, mom and dad cooking out - enjoying family time.  Life on the inside for us was the exact opposite. If mom and dad were in the house together you could count on a fight, dinner was never done together and for me I always knew to be ready to receive the backlash from mom as a result of her fight with dad.  At age fifteen, dad left and did not return.  They were divorced by the time I turned sixteen.  I thought that would change things for the good, but boy I was wrong!  Mom’s backlash became constant and extremely direct.  I turned to drugs, alcohol and the horrible lifestyle that came along with those choices and continued to do so for several years.  I found myself in and out of incarceration and institutions.  During this time I had my first son, who is now fourteen. I lost custody of him, thankfully to my family. 

In June of 2007, I would spend my very last time in a jail cell or so I thought.  Through an organization, Good News Jail and Prison Ministry, I heard for the first time that there was a God that did not care about where I had been, what I had done and how ugly my past looked like.  He still loved me, I still had worth in Christ.  Even though this was a hard concept for me to wrap my mind around, I wanted it so bad. I wanted anything, something different. I needed something different.  Jesus was the answer.  I committed to serve Him - recognized the heart condition called sin, I had always had, and surrendered to the Savior that day in the Chesterfield County Jail through a meal slot. The very small hole in the door, through which I was served my dinner each night, was the very same place I received the bread of life, Jesus Christ.  Life would never be the same.  From that day forward my life verse would be 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away the new has come.” 

Living a life serving Christ is a life that makes it impossible to give glory to man, because it is a life only a creator can puzzle together.  Moving states, restoring custody of my older son, getting married, jobs, homeschooling, churches, a new little one are all things that have marked my life with the stamp of Christ’s approval.  When I said, “In June of 2007 I would spend my last time in a jail cell or so I thought” the “so I thought” was not because I found myself in trouble again. It’s because I believe the Lord allows us to make our choices in life and He can use those choices for His glory when we are ready to serve Him.  As a result He is able to use my past drug addictions, my past mom failures, my past daughter disappointments, my past near death experiences, even my past abortion all for His glory.  He can use all those things to show women as well as men that no matter your back ground and no matter how far you have walked in the opposite direction from God, He is still there, He still wants a relationship with you and loves you.  I share that with women in and out of incarceration throughout the tri-city area.  The same meal slot where I once heard the good news of Jesus Christ, I now share the good news through.  It is my life song! 

I can rest today in His peace even in the struggles.  I still have difficulties with relationships.  My mom and I have come a long way after years of soiled brokenness, but I trust the Lord is working in her life as He continues to work in mine.  I worry about the cares of tomorrow, but I am so thankful I no longer have to worry about my eternal destination.  Choosing Christ means eternity in heaven.  I am praying for each person that reads this, praying that the Lord will use it to minister to you or someone that you know.  Jesus does love you!
​

Hope Lisa's story encourages you the way it did me. Thank you, Lisa, for sharing your walk!
​
With Love,
Christina

Stay humble & BOLD!

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."  Psalm 119:105

To check out my testimony click here
To like my facebook page click here 
Find me on twitter @humble_bold ​

​When Christina approached me with the subject of writing out my testimony, a million things began to flood my brain. I have had my fair share of hard times, some self inflicted and some not.  I have always known God to be real and to be involved, not that I always cared about it. 

 I was born in December of 1977 into a typical suburban home.  I had my mom and dad and big brother and even the dogs too. Until January 1981, at a tender age of 4, my world was shattered when my father passed away in a car accident with another woman. A little over a year later, my mom remarried and my typical suburban life carried on.  Except that it was really a hell for me that my parents knew nothing on how to resolve the depths of my pain and heartache. I had so much anger and resentments.  I resented that I lost my dad. I resented that I had a jerk for a step-dad. I resented that I was stuck on this hell hole called earth. I resented that everyone else seemed to have dads. I resented that I hadn't been wanted by my dad because he was with another woman. I resented that that other woman got his attention. 
​
Fast forward to my teen years in the 1990's.  I was a punk rock girl filled with piss and vinegar.  I had venom ready at any second to spew out of my mouth.  My hurt and anger had never met Jesus, though I knew that He was real and that he loved me.  But what the heck did that really mean anyway? Love was some sick tainted vulnerability that I was gun-shy of or completely avoided.  I dated guys that didn't know Jesus and I thought I could fix them.  I thought if I could "love" them enough that they would be okay too. What did I know of love or being okay? I was a wreck though I didn't know it.  I never used drugs or became a drinker.  I wasn't promiscuous.  I wasn't like my friends, so that made me okay.  I went to church. I believed in Jesus. I loved Jesus and God and I would defend them to the inth degree if someone tried to insult the Holy Trinity. But my heart was broken and wrecked and seemingly beyond repair.  

So I preceded to marry a beautiful punk rock boy that would take me on a journey validating every single bit of what I already knew…men could not be trusted!! We married after a year long fun, romantic, full of excitement and chaos relationship. I was a tender 21 years old but thought I had a world of experience. He was in jail on a regular basis for alcohol related charges and I was so sickly co-dependent that I tried to "love" him clean and sober.  If only I could love him enough too, he and I would be okay. I was so broken and so hurt that I thought love looked like self worship and co-dependency.  I thought that love was a "ride or die" mentality that no matter what came, you stick it out.  But humans are fallible and broken humans are viciously dangerous at times.  My then husband was broken beyond repair and as I grew life inside me, he almost took mine. I was pregnant, beaten, scared, embarrassed. BROKEN. My father dies on me, my step-dad was emotionally void, my husband beat me up…men were the enemy of my heart. I had begun to go back to church during this time and I would just weep.  So much sin in my life needed to be rinsed out throughout the cleansing of tears. 

I tried to work the marriage out for 2 years but he was never going to get help.  I prayed, "God, I will stay married to him for the next 40 years of my life if that is what you want me to do because I made a covenant before you, but if you can find it in your mercy, please deliver me from this marriage." In February 2003, God granted me deliverance from the marriage. I was at peace with my son and living a peaceful life together. 

God then had the hilarious sense of humor to call me into a marriage with a fellow wreck named Jay Jordan.  We had both grown up in the same punk scene.  He hated me because I was a Christian.  I was stunned when I found out he had become a believer.  We started a ministry together called RIOT that was geared toward punks, skaters, hardcore kids and drug addicts and prostitutes.  During this journey, God showed up like I had never seen.  God had begun to heal my heart and reveal himself to me.  He began to show me his goodness and kindness and righteousness.  I was beginning to fall in love with God in a new way that was changing everything in my life.  God changed my singleness to married, my single child to siblings and my broken heart into a healing heart.  

I thought that I was getting the message.  My life was thriving and prophecy was being fulfilled and all these awesome things were happening.  I was certainly not still broken…right?!?! But my marriage was in bad shape, I pretty much hated my husband and I was ready to walk away.  But when God puts something together, may no man separate it.  June of 2014, Jay and I celebrated 10 years and I had just birthed our 5th child (4 Jordans).  Jay began to pray every night for his broken little girl that was his wife.  He prayed that God would restore our family and that my heart would be healed. In October of 2014, Jay and I went to a conference in Scottsboro at this awesome church and God told me that if I left Jay that I would always long for him.  God then gave me a sense of what it would feel like.  It was a terrible feeling in the depths of my heart.

In December of 2014, after 10 1/2 years of marriage, Jay passed away suddenly.  Wrecked. Broken. 

For months I couldn't form a full sentence or a complete thought.  Again I had been thrown into the Valley of Shadow of Death for the second time in my life. This time though, I had God so intimately close with me that I never felt alone.  In June 2015, God began to help heal my heart from my dad's death. WHAT?? Nearly 34 years later and NOW He wants to heal this??? But I began to understand that my dad's affair had NOTHING to do with my position as his daughter.  I was loved as a daughter regardless of his poor choices. A few months later, I was struggling with grief and life and I prayed to God and Grace fell on my like I had never felt it in my life.  Grace was a dense presence on me. Through that grace, I realized that it wasn't about me against my dad or my dad against my mom or me against my mom.  It was a broken family and God was beginning to put all the pieces back in order for me.  He was taking me back to the place, that ugly Valley, that I had met at such a young age and began to clear the way by cleaning up the old weeds and thistles and replacing it with grace and love and forgiveness. God healed my heart, for the first time in all my life, fully.  My value and identity is solely in God's goodness and love as my father.  He has restored in me that men are not my heart enemy but that Satan is my heart enemy.  I will never let lies of brokenness and co-dependency and mistrust steal the joy of love and forgiveness. 

So today, I rest in the love of my God.  I rest that NOTHING can separate me from His love and that I can do nothing to win it or earn it because it is freely given and I will freely love others in Christ. 
Amen!

Thank you for stopping by to read this week's Share Your Walk Wednesdays with Stephanie's story. We are rolling up our sleeves over here at humble & bold to openly share the real difficult paths of our individual walks and Who met and rescued us along the way. Check out more of Stephanie's story in her book, A Dose Of Reality on Amazon or Tate Publishing. Contact Stephanie if you would like for her to speak or teach at your church.

With Love,
Christina

Stay humble & BOLD!

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."  Psalm 119:105

To check out my testimony click here
To like my facebook page click here 
Find me on twitter @humble_bold ​

HI. My name is Rachel. I have a story to tell that glorifies God. I share it to encourage others that mercy and grace are real. That God is a good God and I am His.

When I was young, we were in church every Sunday. We were also in church every Wednesday and Friday and sometimes Tuesdays. We spent a lot of time there. I accepted God as Lord from a young age. Sadly, I didn't always turn to Him when things were tough. Although, we were in church most days out of the week, my family had a little secret. My dad was a drug addict.
​
​My mom hid this from me and my little brother. She was protecting us from the reality that, every day, dad was choosing to get high over being home at dinner, paying the cable bill, playing with his children and loving his spouse. My mom struggled with depression and was closed off and distant from us. This made my brother and I lean on each other a lot. Eventually, mom had enough and she left my dad. That was when we found out the truth. That our dad was an addict.
Mom moved into a single wide trailer with no power and no plumbing. My brother and I lived with her for about a month like this until her new job gave her the first paycheck and we didn't have to pee in a trash bag and keep our milk in a cooler with ice. It was difficult at first. But mom was happier than we had seen in a while. She found a new love and they got married. We moved to a small town an hour away from all we knew and I was scared.

​Dad stayed in our house for a while on his own. He was struggling with losing his family. He found a new girlfriend and moved in with her. We would visit every other weekend and it was pretty depressing. Dad didn't look good and we were ignored a lot. They split up because he couldn't kick the habit and he found another girlfriend. This time, he got married and moved into the same town as my mom and her new husband. That lasted 10 years before, she too, kicked him out and into rehab. After that, he was clean for a while and started working steadily. This is when he met his next wife. It didn't take long and we were getting phone calls that dad had relapsed and spent all their money on drugs. Off and on over the years we would hear of another slip up but dad would always call soon after, apologizing and promising that was the last time.
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I found an amazing man in the midst of some of my trials. It was my senior year in high school and he was a fowl mouthed party boy. I was a good girl, so I gave him a choice. He could keep smoking pot, having wild parties, and cussing in every breath or we could start a relationship. He made the right choice and now we are about to ​celebrate 9 years of marriage and 3 beautiful children. We have had our ups and downs over the last 9 years but I would choose him over and over again. We have based our love with God as our foundation. That has made all the difference for us.
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Two years ago, my dad called me. "You remember when you said if I ever needed a place to go, I could come to you? Well, I need a place to stay...tomorrow." I talked it over with my husband and we decided we could do it. So, we bought him a bus ticket and met him at the terminal in Atlanta the next night. We rode back home with the baby screaming and my boys confused as to why their grandpa was suddenly here. I made him a sandwich and put him to bed on our couch. The next morning began our journey. He has now been clean and sober for 2 years and we all praise God for that.
I give God the glory for my story. I am alive and raising a family because He loves and cares for me.  I could write a book, filling in all the details that I have left out. Hopefully, what I did share can help someone else on their journey.

​To connect with God you just have to reach out to Him and believe that He only wants the best for you. Having a real relationship with Him makes all the difference. To have a relationship with someone you have to talk to them. Trust them. And it's not different with Christ.​

​I want to thank Rachel for sharing her testimony of what Christ has done in her life. If you would like to read more testimonies, click on the Share Your Walk Wednesdays on the side bar and be encouraged.

With Love,
Christina

Stay humble & BOLD!

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."  Psalm 119:105

To check out my testimony click here
To like my facebook page click here 
Find me on twitter @humble_bold ​

In my early twenties, I frequented many gay bars in the Birmingham and Atlanta area, and struggled for years with my personal worth and identity. My heart is heavy for those affected by the shootings Sunday morning in Orlando. Sharing my walk this Wednesday is my way of being more transparent as a Christian.  Below are pieces from my original testimony while sharing more personal and painful struggles.

Growing up in the Bible Belt of the South, I don't ever remember not going to church as a child. At the age of six, in Birmingham, Alabama, I remember asking Jesus to come and live in my heart while at Briarwood Christian School. It was a very simple prayer, but with faith as a child, I sincerely meant it. I wanted to be with this wonderful Jesus of the Bible and for Him to be with me.  Looking back on my childhood and teen years, He was with me - like the time I screamed out to Him when my body got trapped under a floating pier, loaded with people at the lake, and I felt a supernatural peace come over me till I could find my way out from under the floating wood boards that where pushing me under every time someone, unaware, stood over where I was gasping for air between the slats.  My walk with Him was real and wonderful, and I never felt truly alone.

​As a child, I struggled with my weight. I went from the average weight of a five year old to becoming a heavy first grader. I continued to get heavier. My weight, fair skin and red hair made me feel so awkward and different from everyone else. As I grew into a preteen, I encountered pornography for the first time at my grandparents house where they had cable. They didn't pay for Playboy, but late at night, I would stay up, scanning the scrambled channel for a peek of what was happening with all the heavy breathing. I felt really guilty, but drawn to it still. One night, I thought I heard footsteps down the hall, so I quickly changed the channel to a some show that no preteen would actually be interested in. My grandfather walked in to check on me and said, "Tina, I hope you're not watching something you shouldn't!" I  probably lied and promised I wasn't out of fear. What I took as disapproval, I now see as concern.

​Seeing those images didn't seem harmful at the time, but it flipped a switch and I felt like an addict when around cable tv alone. (Wish I could have had a photographic memory for more important and useful things.) Since many of the images I saw involved women as the focus, I struggled with secret fantasies of women. However, I still wanted to have a traditional marriage with children. I tried to maintain control over my mind and not think certain thoughts, but it had become quite clear that not only would I struggle with food and my weight, but now with sexual thoughts too.

In June of 1988, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She told me later, that the night before her outpatient biopsy, she had a vision of wing tips fluttering in front of her, as if she were being held in the arms of amazing love. She said she felt an enormous sense of peace. Things were quite different for all of us after her diagnosis and in the years to follow.  In June of 1989, on a Friday night, she went home to be with the Lord. The day before she died she was the most peaceful I had ever seen anyone. She told me she was going home and not to worry. I knew deep down she was right. Honestly, I didn’t understand, but had heard of God turning tragedies into triumphs and that gave me hope during such a difficult and painful time.

In the summer of 1992, my dad and brother and I went to Africa, for three weeks, to visit my dad’s cousin, Larry, who was serving as a missionary in Kenya.  It was a mind blowing adventure and I experienced things I will never forget. Most memorable was a three hour bouncy drive on unpaved roads to a small concrete church settled in a beautiful field. All of the sudden, it became like a spectacular movie scene. Villagers came dancing over the tops of the hills already worshipping the Lord in glorious singing surrounded in sunshine. They were worshipping God before they even stepped foot inside the church building, what a refreshing difference that was from how we worshipped!  I remember the curious, cute children pointing and giggling at me, because of my red hair. It was the most amazing trip, and I saw God work in many ways.

Sadly, after witnessing so many wonderful things, I unexpectedly went down a treacherous path. It was never a conscious decision to walk away from the Lord. It happened very gradual, like a child who goes wandering around and then looks up only to realize that they have somehow gotten away from the parent they love and are filled with panic, sadness and despair. Even though, I secretly struggled with fantasies of women over the years. I had fallen in love with a man at work who was dating two girls at the same time. (Seems like that was a big red flag, but wait, there's more!) He was also struggling with his sexuality and was secretly seeing a guy on the side. So it was like a love hexagon.

Time out! (Dear reader, I know this is confusing. It was confusing to me too. Thanks for making it this far!)

I went from not attending church every Sunday, to just occasionally visiting and then to not going at all. I started seeing other Christians no longer as friends, but almost as enemies, that is if they dared to discuss anything that caused me to feel the least bit of conviction. I even spewed out recriminations at a dear friend who asked me some direct questions about my faith.

Found a new group of friends to spend the majority of my time with and to encourage me in my new ways. We had gotten into the habit of going out to clubs every night after work. Just like the song, it was a Slow Fade. At first, in those dark places I found excitement, but it wasn’t long before I found heartache, pain, loneliness, depression and despair. I let my guard down around someone I trusted and was raped. (Really struggling with even seeing that typed out, but if it helps someone, then it's worth sharing.)

Decided to move to Atlanta to pursue an acting career and thought this big step would surely bring about the happiness I desired. Even with some small successes, I still couldn't sustain a non depressed state of being. After dangerous experiments with drugs, sex, alcohol and relationships, I attempted and thankfully failed at suicide. However, I remained frustrated with my life and angry with others.

I then sought the help of two mental health professionals.  In my first visit I used up a whole box of tissue and just sobed uncontrollably. I was placed on 60mg of Prozac. That didn’t work either, because I was unable to feel any emotions. Any mirthfulness I might have occasionally enjoyed was now in a stupor. It seemed the more I tried to find happiness it just kept escaping my grasp. I languished in my depression and longed to feel free from mental torment. Before wandering away from the Lord, I was happy, content, peaceful and full of joy. But during this prodigal, dubious walk, my reality was just the opposite. Why was that? I was living for myself, pleasing myself and yet had never been more miserable in all my life!

One morning around 3 a.m., outside the Backstreet nightclub in Atlanta, I realized that I had lost a special silver earring with a flower embossment. I was walking around the parking lot, upset with the guy who I had gone partying with, who sat in my car while I searched a very unpleasant and dark area. I was in a miserable relationship with him, because I had grown co-dependent upon him for my happiness. I basically had turned him into a false god. Yet, there was no reciprocation. While searching, I felt this strange sensation and heard 2 voices, not audibly, but very strongly in my spirit.  One was the voice of Jesus and the other was the voice of my mother. They both were saying at the same time, “Oh, how I wanted so much more for you than this” and the way I heard it, it was if their hearts were broken over my choices. I knew then that God had not left me, but I had walked away from Him. It was then that I knew I needed to repent, change and turn back to my Father.

It was hard changing lifestyles overnight, but God led me to a job as a nanny in charge of four precious children, and I started visiting churches. The best part was I started talking with God again and asking for His direction, instead of leading myself. I started to then ask God for a husband who loved him as well. Funny how God works, because when I first met Scott, I felt he was the one. However, through further discussions, I came to realize that he did not regard Jesus as the Son of God, but as just a good person and teacher. I came under very strong conviction at this point to break off our engagement. I felt I was to pray and give the situation over to God and let Him deal with Scott. Click on this link, http://www.shofaroutreach.org/testimonies.html, to find out what happened.

​(I also have to add that as a married couple, we both struggled with images of pornography that we were exposed to in our childhood, preteen years and into adulthood. It really took a lot of work for us to truly be intimate with each other without other mental pictures getting in the way. I want to write and share more on that subject because pornography is like meth, in how it destroys the way people were meant to experience pleasure.)

If you have never seriously looked at the words of Jesus, I encourage you to decide who this man is. He can only be one of three things . . .  a liar, a lunatic or the Son of the Living Most High God, creator of you and me. I tried living life my way and I’ve tried living it His way. I can testify that His way is the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father without going through Jesus. The one who died for your sins and rose from the dead on the third day. Offering eternal life to those who put their faith and trust in Him. I love Luke chapter 15, because God speaks of the lost sheep, the lost coin and the lost son. I too was lost but now am found and am so thankful that we have a God that loves us! I placed the remaining earring on a chain and turned it into a necklace. Every time I see it, I am reminded of what was lost, what was salvaged and transformed into something even better.

​Thank you for reading and letting me share my walk!

With Love,
Christina

Stay humble & BOLD!

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."  Psalm 119:105

To check out my testimony click here
To like my facebook page click here 
Find me on twitter @humble_bold ​

My grandmother worked in the book department at Foley's department store, and instilled a love of books that continues to this day. She was the practical one in the family. She taught us to think, and she taught us about life.

My mom was determined to make a life for her little family. She worked hard as a legal secretary in downtown Houston, and with her GI Bill, she had bought her first house. She had bought a used Ford Falcon, and at age 33, she was learning to drive! To top it off, she was seeing a gentle man named Al who bore a striking resemblance to the actor Lorne Green. My mom began to trust me with more responsibility and independence, and that gave me a sense that maybe I was ok after all. It was a great time, and I was really happy. Life was a blast!
 
Then, at age ten, the unthinkable happened. My mother passed away suddenly, right in front of my eyes, from a severe asthma attack. It was 2 a.m. on a warm, muggy Sunday morning in September. I ran down the lonely, dark street to get help from neighbors, but it was too late. She was gone. My world had been turned upside down in an instant.

My grandmother took me with her to help make the funeral arrangements. It was hard and very surreal, but that was one of her life lessons and something I will always be grateful for. Even so, it was a very traumatic time, and I was torn apart inside between two powerful emotions. On the one hand, intense grief. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not to me. Not now. Not how it did. On the other hand, while I knew it wasn’t my mom's fault, I felt like I had been rejected by her. If she loved me, why did she leave?

I felt like God had abandoned me, too. After all, if He loved me why would He let this happen to me? Maybe it was because I had disappointed Him too, and didn't measure up in his eyes. It got worse when, a week later, my little brother and I were living with my dad again. Within a few weeks his words and his actions let me know that, once again, I didn’t measure up to his expectations.He was a big, imposing figure prone to swift, thundering outbursts of anger. It didn't take long to go from that happy-go-lucky kid to tip-toeing around, looking over my shoulder, waiting for the next explosion.
 
My dad was a classic functioning alcoholic, regularly overachieving in his career and athletics, but drunk every night and weekend - and taking it out on his family and others. There wasn’t anything I could do that resulted in praise or encouragement, but plenty that resulted in his swift wrath and condemnation. He didn't have much time for us between his work, sports, womanizing, and drinking. All of those things were more important to him. Even when I tried duplicating his example by overachieving in some areas, I was still inadequate in his eyes. Through all of this, I remained mad at God. Not that I had any kind of real connection to Him, but I figured he was up there and knew what was going on.​

As I read story after story, during two pregnancies over a 24-month period, I began to realize that despite all of the bad things I had done, and my strong feelings of utter and complete unworthiness, God loved me anyway. And I couldn’t do anything to make Him stop loving me!
That He loved me so much did not change the fact that I would never be able to measure up to His standards. But instead of the overwhelming sense of hopelessness I had felt earlier in life about never measuring up to my earthly father’s standards, I now had hope.

Why? 

Because my Heavenly Father had made a way for me to measure up. He sent His son, Jesus, to pay the penalty for my sins, once and for all. My part was simple; I only had to admit, believe and confess what He had done for me.
 
Admit that I was a sinner, and could never measure up to His standards on my own.
Believe that Jesus is the Son of God, that He died on the cross to pay for my sins, and that He rose from the dead completing the transaction. Confess with my mouth Jesus was my Lord and Savior and accept His free gift of eternal life. Once I accepted Him, He would accept me! Forever and ever.
I made that decision at age 27. Since that time my life has completely changed. I know that I matter. I have learned that God has a plan for my life, and a plan for what He wants to accomplish through me. In fact, as I look back I see that He was working His plan all along! I was the only one that didn't know it.

You read that right: He wants to use me! He has replaced the fear of rejection and the belief that what I do won’t measure up, with a sense of confidence and boldness because He is with me and He measures up. This assurance has given me the freedom to meet new people, try new things, take some risks, and not worry about “what if?” What if I made a mistake? What if I say the wrong thing? What if an idea didn’t work out like I planned? What if something I tried was a total disaster? What if I couldn’t live up to the expectations others had of me?

As I began to read the Bible, I realized that even the great men and women whose stories it tells made the same mistakes I’ve made. All of the mistakes. God still loved them, and God still used them. In fact, He did great things through them! Would He do any less through me? No.
The Lord has transformed me from someone who could not stand in front of people and talk without a complete meltdown borne out of fear, into a leader, trainer, speaker, writer and successful sales professional.

He has led me to conceive, design, and create new things, and then have the confidence to put them “out in the world” where other people would see them, use them, and benefit from them.
On top of that, I have been drug and alcohol-free since 1982!

Friend, I have found the answer and I’m glad I can share it with you! His name is Jesus – call on Him right now and find His perfect love and acceptance! Pray something like this, but put it in your own words.

“Dear Jesus, right now I ask you to be my Lord and Savior. I admit that I am a sinner, I am turning away from sin, and I ask You for forgiveness of my sins. I believe You are the Son of God, that You died on the cross, and You arose from the dead.  I want to walk in freedom with You, and I want You to walk with me for the rest of my life and throughout eternity. Thank You, Jesus, for saving my soul. Amen.”
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Thanks Michael for sharing your walk!

​With Love,
Christina

Stay humble & BOLD!

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."  Psalm 119:105

To check out my testimony click here
To like my facebook page click here 
Find me on twitter @humble_bold ​