My mom hid this from me and my little brother. She was protecting us from the reality that, every day, dad was choosing to get high over being home at dinner, paying the cable bill, playing with his children and loving his spouse. My mom struggled with depression and was closed off and distant from us. This made my brother and I lean on each other a lot. Eventually, mom had enough and she left my dad. That was when we found out the truth. That our dad was an addict.
Mom moved into a single wide trailer with no power and no plumbing. My brother and I lived with her for about a month like this until her new job gave her the first paycheck and we didn't have to pee in a trash bag and keep our milk in a cooler with ice. It was difficult at first. But mom was happier than we had seen in a while. She found a new love and they got married. We moved to a small town an hour away from all we knew and I was scared.
My life at mom's was miserable. I was sad and lonely. My mom's husband had 2 sons and he and my mom were very focused on making them happy, which left me out in the cold a lot. I wanted to leave. And not just the house. I wanted to leave the earth. I cried out to God so many times asking, "why me?" and just wanting to go to heaven. My depression and thoughts of suicide started when I was about 12 and continued throughout high school. This turned into cutting as well. I felt in control of the pain when I was cutting. One day, I decided I had had enough. I wrote a letter to my family and friends. As I was trying to decide how to do it, I got a phone call from a friend from school. Someone that I spoke with but not much on the phone. It was an out of the blue phone call and totally unexpected. Little did she know that her phone call stopped me from doing something drastic and life altering for my family. The cutting stopped when my friend caught me. She made me promise to never do that again and reluctantly, I kept my word.
Dad stayed in our house for a while on his own. He was struggling with losing his family. He found a new girlfriend and moved in with her. We would visit every other weekend and it was pretty depressing. Dad didn't look good and we were ignored a lot. They split up because he couldn't kick the habit and he found another girlfriend. This time, he got married and moved into the same town as my mom and her new husband. That lasted 10 years before, she too, kicked him out and into rehab. After that, he was clean for a while and started working steadily. This is when he met his next wife. It didn't take long and we were getting phone calls that dad had relapsed and spent all their money on drugs. Off and on over the years we would hear of another slip up but dad would always call soon after, apologizing and promising that was the last time.
I found an amazing man in the midst of some of my trials. It was my senior year in high school and he was a fowl mouthed party boy. I was a good girl, so I gave him a choice. He could keep smoking pot, having wild parties, and cussing in every breath or we could start a relationship. He made the right choice and now we are about to celebrate 9 years of marriage and 3 beautiful children. We have had our ups and downs over the last 9 years but I would choose him over and over again. We have based our love with God as our foundation. That has made all the difference for us.
Two years ago, my dad called me. "You remember when you said if I ever needed a place to go, I could come to you? Well, I need a place to stay...tomorrow." I talked it over with my husband and we decided we could do it. So, we bought him a bus ticket and met him at the terminal in Atlanta the next night. We rode back home with the baby screaming and my boys confused as to why their grandpa was suddenly here. I made him a sandwich and put him to bed on our couch. The next morning began our journey. He has now been clean and sober for 2 years and we all praise God for that.
I give God the glory for my story. I am alive and raising a family because He loves and cares for me. I could write a book, filling in all the details that I have left out. Hopefully, what I did share can help someone else on their journey.
To connect with God you just have to reach out to Him and believe that He only wants the best for you. Having a real relationship with Him makes all the difference. To have a relationship with someone you have to talk to them. Trust them. And it's not different with Christ.
I want to thank Rachel for sharing her testimony of what Christ has done in her life. If you would like to read more testimonies, click on the Share Your Walk Wednesdays on the side bar and be encouraged.
Stay humble & BOLD!
"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105
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